Zombie Apocalypse Topical Bike Thread

[sids]

I once had an in depth discussion with Adam who many of you met on Saturday at the race regarding best bike for a zombie apocalypse. I then saw another post on a different forum about it and remember just how important this topic is and that we really should be discussing it more. Bicycling would clearly be the best form of transportation for weaving in and out of cars on chocked roadways and no concern for the stop in gas production. So, since, we are obviously facing an impending zombie apocalypse and preparation is the key to survival lets band together with your best zombie build.

I'm going to go with a Surly Big Dummy converted to single speed freewheel for maintenance issues unless one of you have a better idea

[craig]

Motorcycles are better for the weaving and are faster, but I like this. Surly Big Dummy is too slow. Too much surface area for zombie to latch onto. Converted to ss? You just signed your death warrant. Multiple speeds are necessary as these zombies are fast and agile. The disc brakes are a plus, however. When it comes to surviving a zombie horde, we must accept the fact that if you go offroad, you're dead. Aint no way you're going to outrun these fucks through trees going ~5-15 mph. So a mtb is out of the question. I'm assuming the majority of the time would be spent on asphalt, concrete, and the like, but this is not always certain. However you're still going to need the ability that comes with a mtb with the agility and finesse of a road bike. What are we thinking of? Obviously a cross bike. A cross bike holds the agility and speed of a road bike all the while being able to handle most surface terrain associated with a post-apocalyptic world. We can easily solve the problem of flats by installing tubeless clinchers with some Stan's No tubes tire sealant. Now we have to address the issue of stealth. I don't want a cassette hub with too many pawls (pawls are what cause the clicking noise. more pawls=more noise)



I would have to chose the Raleigh RXC Pro. It's dark colors not only make me the sultan of motherfucking swat, but they also add to the stealth factor. Also, the color scheme evokes an urban camo-esque balleurness. The lightweight factor also helps if I need to dismount and scale any obstacles put forth by the soulless zombie fiends.

In terms of baggage or racks, none would be necessary. Simply a large bag or backback slung across my back would do.

If any of you have read this and you still think the ideal bike is a sw8t fixxxie, you deserve every part of death that is coming to you.

P.S. Sids, I hate you. I was supposed to use this time to study before an engineering exam but I couldn't pass it up.

[sids]

Oct 31, 2011 10:17:40 GMT -8 craig said:

Motorcycles are better for the weaving and are faster, but I like this.

Motorcycles would be great until gas runs out, then what you gonna do?

Surly Big Dummy is too slow. Too much surface area for zombie to latch onto. Converted to ss? You just signed your death warrant. Multiple speeds are necessary as these zombies are fast and agile.

I can see your point regarding ss, but you have to remember less maintenance. What happens when a zombie lunges at you, misses, but hits your derailleur? You could try to find a bike shop but lets face it, they are super cool and would be covered by zombies, plus, people are going to riot those right after walmart. And Zombies are fast and agile? Maybe in like 5% of all Zombie movies. The general consensus is that zombies are slow as balls.

The disc brakes are a plus, however. When it comes to surviving a zombie horde, we must accept the fact that if you go offroad, you're dead. Aint no way you're going to outrun these fucks through trees going ~5-15 mph. So a mtb is out of the question. I'm assuming the majority of the time would be spent on asphalt, concrete, and the like, but this is not always certain. However you're still going to need the ability that comes with a mtb with the agility and finesse of a road bike. What are we thinking of? Obviously a cross bike. A cross bike holds the agility and speed of a road bike all the while being able to handle most surface terrain associated with a post-apocalyptic world. We can easily solve the problem of flats by installing tubeless clinchers with some Stan's No tubes tire sealant.

I like this idea

Now we have to address the issue of stealth. I don't want a cassette hub with too many pawls (pawls are what cause the clicking noise. more pawls=more noise)



I would have to chose the Raleigh RXC Pro. It's dark colors not only make me the sultan of motherfucking swat, but they also add to the stealth factor. Also, the color scheme evokes an urban camo-esque balleurness. The lightweight factor also helps if I need to dismount and scale any obstacles put forth by the soulless zombie fiends.

nice choice

In terms of baggage or racks, none would be necessary. Simply a large bag or backback slung across my back would do.

no way, yes you will be slower the more you load down the bike, but if you are trying to get away from the zombies you are going to have to travel. Especially going out of Vegas you are going to need a lot of water or you dehydrate. You have got to have a rack dude, and something capable of carrying some major weight. Each gallon of water will weigh over eight pounds. According to FEMA you should plan on at least one gallon of water per day per person and that's not even if you are riding a bike. www.fema.gov/areyouready/assemble_disaster_supplies_kit.shtm Coming out of Vegas you should plan on at least a couple of days worth of water, maybe more. that weight on your back in water alone is going to get old fast.

If any of you have read this and you still think the ideal bike is a sw8t fixxxie, you deserve every part of death that is coming to you.

agree

P.S. Sids, I hate you. I was supposed to use this time to study before an engineering exam but I couldn't pass it up.

When the zombies do come I'm going to be your hero. Make effigies in remembrance of me.

[josr]

i think the zombies should be out of "shaun of the dead" or "zombie land" more fun that way.

[craig]

Oct 31, 2011 10:52:18 GMT -8 sids said:

Oct 31, 2011 10:17:40 GMT -8 craig said:

Motorcycles are better for the weaving and are faster, but I like this.

Motorcycles would be great until gas runs out, then what you gonna do?

I understood this, which is why I didn't pursue it any further.

Surly Big Dummy is too slow. Too much surface area for zombie to latch onto. Converted to ss? You just signed your death warrant. Multiple speeds are necessary as these zombies are fast and agile.

I can see your point regarding ss, but you have to remember less maintenance. What happens when a zombie lunges at you, misses, but hits your derailleur? You could try to find a bike shop but lets face it, they are super cool and would be covered by zombies, plus, people are going to riot those right after walmart. And Zombies are fast and agile? Maybe in like 5% of all Zombie movies. The general consensus is that zombies are slow as balls.

1. Too fast for a zombie to hit my derailleur.
2. Derailleurs aren't as big and scary as you think. They don't take that much maintenance, other than the occasional barrel adjust or limit screw adjust. Also, they represent a very small part of the bike itself. They are pretty much streamlined. Just look at a road bike from the front. In fact, a derailleured bike is much safer due to the ability to fix a dropped chain. With a fixed gear or single speed, in order to fix a dropped chain, you have to dismount and manually replace it onto the chainring or cog. With a derailleur, dropped chains can be fixed while riding by shifting the front derailluer.
3. In the event that a soulless zombie fiend did snag my derailluer (would not happen), I could mcgruber that shit on the spot. Don't need no bike shop.
4. Whenever I imagine a zombie scenario, I think to the prepare for the worst possible situation, that being the zombies are incredibly fast. Think 28 Days/Weeks Later (best zombie movies ever, atmo).That way if they aren't incredibly fast, I have a huge advantage.

The disc brakes are a plus, however. When it comes to surviving a zombie horde, we must accept the fact that if you go offroad, you're dead. Aint no way you're going to outrun these fucks through trees going ~5-15 mph. So a mtb is out of the question. I'm assuming the majority of the time would be spent on asphalt, concrete, and the like, but this is not always certain. However you're still going to need the ability that comes with a mtb with the agility and finesse of a road bike. What are we thinking of? Obviously a cross bike. A cross bike holds the agility and speed of a road bike all the while being able to handle most surface terrain associated with a post-apocalyptic world. We can easily solve the problem of flats by installing tubeless clinchers with some Stan's No tubes tire sealant.

I like this idea

Now we have to address the issue of stealth. I don't want a cassette hub with too many pawls (pawls are what cause the clicking noise. more pawls=more noise)



I would have to chose the Raleigh RXC Pro. It's dark colors not only make me the sultan of motherfucking swat, but they also add to the stealth factor. Also, the color scheme evokes an urban camo-esque balleurness. The lightweight factor also helps if I need to dismount and scale any obstacles put forth by the soulless zombie fiends.

nice choice

In terms of baggage or racks, none would be necessary. Simply a large bag or backback slung across my back would do.

no way, yes you will be slower the more you load down the bike, but if you are trying to get away from the zombies you are going to have to travel. Especially going out of Vegas you are going to need a lot of water or you dehydrate. You have got to have a rack dude, and something capable of carrying some major weight. Each gallon of water will weigh over eight pounds. According to FEMA you should plan on at least one gallon of water per day per person and that's not even if you are riding a bike. www.fema.gov/areyouready/assemble_disaster_supplies_kit.shtm Coming out of Vegas you should plan on at least a couple of days worth of water, maybe more. that weight on your back in water alone is going to get old fast.

This is where you don't understand my survival measures. Who says I'm trying to go out of Vegas? That's what I see is the biggest problem of people that try to survive zombie apocalypses. They always try to leave, which opens them up to the worst kind of risks: You're moving with lots of food, water, supplies, and stupid, weak, useless children. Think about it. I would have a base camp or a headquarters so to say where I base all of my anti-zombie operations. It would be heavily fortified and safe, full of the materials that I scavenge throughout the day on my cx bike. Ultimately, my bike would be a fast and agile scout-type bike. Chris, you're going to be entirely too slow on the Surly, especially full of water and supplies. What happens when you have to bike uphill to get out of the city?

If any of you have read this and you still think the ideal bike is a sw8t fixxxie, you deserve every part of death that is coming to you.

agree

P.S. Sids, I hate you. I was supposed to use this time to study before an engineering exam but I couldn't pass it up.

When the zombies do come I'm going to be your hero. Make effigies in remembrance of me.

[craig]

Oct 31, 2011 14:18:44 GMT -8 josr said:

i think the zombies should be out of "shaun of the dead" or "zombie land" more fun that way.

Di2=electric=baaaad. Unless you want your battery to die when you're in 53/11.

[nlinealac]

Sids dies cause to slow.

Craig dies cause zombies want to eat him first due to bad attitude. Also zombies will catch him if he ever has to ride down a hill. HAHAHAHAHA

Jose lives cause east side kids eat nails and trash and stuff, also I hear they have a fair knowledge of the Las Vegas sewer system, but that bike is worthless after the battery dies 2 days in.

Also I live cause didnt waste my time on a bike. went to the swap meet and got hella swords to cut off gay zombie heads son!

[craig]

Oct 31, 2011 20:53:11 GMT -8 nlinealac said:

Jose lives cause east side kids eat nails and trash and stuff, also I hear they have a fair knowledge of the Las Vegas sewer system, but that bike is worthless after the battery dies 2 days in.

lollin' sooo hard.

[sids]

You can kill the zombies for me, I'm getting on a bike and getting the fuck out of civilization asap. More people equals more potential zombies

[nlinealac]

You will get half way to jean before you die on a fuckin ss big dummy. Ss + heavy = not going up hill.

[brianburke]

You guys are babies. A zombie apocalypse occurs and you guys can't live without a crabon cross bike? The big dummy is a fantastic choice. Keep the gears and your golden! (maintaining a derailluer isn't too bad, Chris) speaking from the survivalist point of things, you need mad storage. Fukka road bike. Grow a pair, you mother loving sissies, and grind out a heavier, but more dependable bike. Y'all bitches is soft.

[craig]

Brian's bike of choice is of course a ~22 pound fixed gear with moustache handlebars.

[rabbi]

Lulz @ craig for crabon crossbike. Good luck the first time you eat it. You're not gonna be able to carry a lot of stuff on your back and fuck staying in a city surronded by zombies. They will know where you are and surround your compound till you starve to death. So it's either leave or die.

The big dummy IS slow. It'll be good when you're out of the city, if you make it out. On small trips, even unloaded, you're gonna notice how much it slows you down. And fuck a leisurely stroll to the grocery store, there's fucking zombies everywhere.

My choice is a full rigid steel geared 29er + xtracycle. You need the ability to harness the gnarness, but at the same time need the hauling capacity. Keep the 29er intact for scouting, hunting, gathering, etc. When you go haul firewood back to basecamp or move to a remote mountain cabin, connect the xtracycle and just carry the rear wheel. I would move to the mountains and set up little hideaways along my route to the city for supplies. That way you can move 10-20mi a day and not have to destroy yourself while trying to crush it on the xtracycle and still be relatively safe.

Boom. Just kept you alive.

[nlinealac]

Full rigid is dumb. Front sus with a remote lock out bro.

[rabbi]

Full rigid because suspension requires a lot of maintenance and specialized tools. Just get 2.5" tires. Or just get a salsa muckluck/surly moonlander.

[nlinealac]

I feel like a 29er is a bit much for someone my size any way.

[brianburke]

Woods for 29er. I wants one regardless of apocalypse.

[rabbi]

Ditto.
And nick, you're 5'8", not 5'1".

[josr]

Oct 31, 2011 21:02:05 GMT -8 craig said:

Oct 31, 2011 20:53:11 GMT -8 nlinealac said:

Jose lives cause east side kids eat nails and trash and stuff, also I hear they have a fair knowledge of the Las Vegas sewer system, but that bike is worthless after the battery dies 2 days in.

lollin' sooo hard.

[josr]

[craig]

Really? No one else has anything to add?

[josr]

i dont think anyone else believes in fairy tales

[craig]

zombie apocalypse =/= fairy tales. shit's gonna happen one day. just watch.

[daveyjones]

i second this ^

[theghabebandit]

Oct 31, 2011 10:17:40 GMT -8 craig said:

(pawls are what cause the clicking noise. more pawls=more noise)

....what?

[austin]

zombies wont be able to reach me up here

[theghabebandit]

canada's doing it right. ^^

[austin]

or this. because if zombies were attacking me id probably be shitting myself constantly.

[nlinealac]

Austin I miss u.

[austin]

i miss thee. lets ride nigga